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my mom and i used to look for four leaf clovers together. she was a master at it, could find them by just walking through the grass, always with her hands clasped behind her back. sometimes she’d ruffle the tufts with her foot is she suspected maybe that extra leaf was from a clover neighbor and not a lucky one at all.

every spring i’m compelled to find one. the parks are full of lush clover mounds. the past couple days i’ve been searching hard for one; like out on a mission, crouching, serious searching, digging into the depths.

today i was on my walk and had planned to end in the park to desperately look for that elusive four leafed wonder. i had a bit of a heavy heart over some family hurt and was praying about it, thinking how my mom would know exactly what to do and how to handle it. i felt sad and to the point of crying out there in the open sky, then i saw it. my four leaf clover!

it was an answer to prayer. not so much finding the clover, but what my heart was breaking over. ┬áthis was an ease of mind, a peace that surpasses all understanding. my soul asked, ‘is it going to be okay then?’ at that moment i saw the other one. that was the validation: the ‘yes.’

just when i was breaking, i got the comfort i needed. i didn’t have to search for it or work for it. it was a sweet gift and the most perfect timing because it wasn’t mine, it was His.

now i have two lucky clovers: one for me, one for her.


life lately

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so i’ve totally dropped the ball on blogging here lately. but i won’t apologize for it. nope. because i’m just gonna be a jerk about it. also, i know none of my readers have been waiting with bated breath to see what i’ve been cooking lately or what i did over the last weekend. all except for matt. he kinda got on my case about not updating. so here we are.

these are just some of the things i’ve been up to over the last couple weeks. i have been playing this DMB album pretty much non-stop since it arrived. geeeeeeeeeze, i love me some dave. old school, 90s dave. as soon as ‘crash’ comes out on vinyl i’ll punch anyone in the face who stands between me and that purchase. best album OF ALL TIME.

i got to have a sushi date with my lover recently and it was the most delicious. i’m already jonesin’ for another sashimi/nigiri throw down at sushi house. i could eat raw fishes every day. every damn day.

also, my kitty is super cute and i’m still making yummy food and letting my friends feed me tasty coconut treats.

oh yeah, and i got to meet Rob Gronkowski (or Gronk, as he lets his BFFs call him) at a stupid early saturday morning meeting at the walmart home office where matt works. it was totally worth the 5 am wake up call. we side-fived, so yeah, we’re basically besties.

last weekend was so gorgeous and warm and lovely. i laid out, sipped tea, and went on a family adventure walk with my boys. i have decided to give up my turtlenecks for the season. i’m a little sad to see them go, but it’s only for a while. let’s face it, i’d way rather wear sleeveless dresses anyhow.

bring on the spring!!!!!

life, lately

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in lieu of making a totally unattainable resolution, i like to set small goals for myself in the new year. one of those goals is to read more. i used to be a voracious reader. like stay up til 4 am because i can’t put the thing down and blearily stumble my way through the next day kind of reader. but over the last year or so, i’ve allowed my evil phone and it’s various apps to eat up all my time. that ends now! i am taking back my time and my love of the written word. this month i finally finished the book i bought months ago, and i just read ‘yes please’ (soooooooo good by the way. i underlined basically the whole thing). and yesterday i went to goodwill and bought a stack of new books and a pair of book-reading sweats! i need to wash the sweats but i’ve already started reading ‘slaughterhouse five’ and totally enjoying it. so, if you have any recs for me, i’m asking. i want to expand my horizons and learn about new subjects and genres. so fire away.

also, i want to eat well and drink more tea. and i don’t mean eat healthier, i already do that. i want to eat WELL. good meaningful foods, with thoughtful preparation, that supports local farmers and businesses, and shared with people i love. and drink hot tea because i know too much coffee gives me stomach issues and the shakes.

so that’s what i’m up to lately. what about you guys?

celebrating life and love

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two years ago yesterday, i lost my mom. it’s something that you never quite get over. there’s always something that reminds you of her or some really great news you just can’t wait to tell her. and the void can’t ever be filled.

but this year, instead of mourning the loss of her i wanted to celebrate her life and love. she was such a beautiful woman with a big heart, soft hands, and so much grace. she was always the first one to give an encouraging word or a hug or a helping hand. she was a prayer warrior and a solid foundation for our family. my mom was the greatest. she taught me how to be a wife and mother. she also taught me to protect the things i hold most dear, to make faith, family and friends the highest priority.

matt sent me flowers. hydrangeas, my favorite. that meant the world to me. i got to spend the evening having dinner with two of my dearest girlfriends. and that fed my soul. i was surrounded by life and love yesterday. and it made me realize that sometimes beauty is born from death. just like spring is more glorious because of the harshness of winter, we understand how precious life’s moments are when we lose someone we love. we grasp it much tighter. celebrate it with more joy. and that’s what i want for this year. i want to live 2015 to its fullest measure. not in doing crazy things, but in being present in every minute of every day. not striving for the next thing, but being content with what i’ve been given. and then i want to give more of myself back to the people i love. because i have been given so much and i am the most blessed.

avocado toast

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it’s how i start my day. i thought it only natural that i begin a new blog this way.

i love avocado. it wasn’t until recently that i even knew that about myself. but here we are, more than halfway through 2014 and i freaking love that green pitted fruit. but isn’t that just the thing? we are constantly evolving beings, changing with the times, ebbing and flowing with the seasons of life. we aren’t nouns, but verbs: always being and doing.

i want this new version of blogging to reflect that notion. i am not the same person that i was five years ago when i (tentatively) began sharing outfits with you all in an effort to fit in somewhere on this planet. i am happy with myself: my body, my style (or even lack there of), my parenting (or even lack there of), and my relationships. this manifestation of a personal web log; a journal for potentially the world to see, is to chronicle my every day. whether that is my cat photo-bombing a great shot of my breakfast or whatever. but it will be my real life. and my real thoughts. and they may be contro to what i’ve shared before, but it will be me now and the woman i am growing into. i hope you want to follow along.

i plan to only use my iPhone for photos shared, nothing fancy. life happens in the moment, in the unscripted, and i want to document that for everyone who wants to journey with me.