this sweet little guy turns 10 on sunday. 10. you guys, my child will be TEN YEARS OLD in TWO DAYS. it blows my mind.
a decade ago i was huge with cankles and swollen hobbit feet, waddling around the house wishing that baby would just freakin’ come out already! it was hot and my braxton hicks contractions were out of control. i was so done with that pregnancy.
at 4:37 am, the day after his due date and in the midst of the overnight coverage of the athens summer olympics, my world changed forever. the doctor laid a messy, squirmy, crying thing on my chest and i cried right along with him. not because i was so in love, but because i had no idea what the hell i felt. it was the strangest thing. i expected to have this sense of euphoria at becoming a mom and having this tiny person who was half me and half matt and now we were a glorious family and everything would of course be rosy and beautiful and we’d have this instant connection. nope.
the first year of motherhood was hard. like REALLY REALLY hard. i found out that my son and i needed to grow into affection. oh sure, i forced myself to feel some kind of perfunctory ‘love’ just so i could get by and not hate myself as a mom. but i realized that this relationship, just like most others, was going to take time to cultivate and develop. i needed to learn who he was apart from me, and more importantly, who i was apart from him.
in june, he and i went to florida for a week. it was so fun. we talked, laughed, created inside jokes, watched adventure time episodes in bed each morning. he even wanted to sleep with me. you guys, i love my son. i love hanging out with him, being his friend, seeing him grow and mature.
and i can honestly say that i love being his mom.